8/8/2011 Should Be Lucky But It's Not.

Yes.. I returned to my blog after 4 months..

The purpose of it is to share what I thought about today, on the 8/8/2011..

And yeah.. I know that MUnited won against MCity and I kinda like it..

I thought this day would give me a great luck for this week..

Unfortunately, nothing has changed..

So back to my story..

I was in a very good mood today because I thought that the Luck of Manchester United can bring joy and happiness to my life for a week.. It's like an aura..

But somehow, there's a damage increaser to it. (Sorry, thought about DotA..)

Then.. I felt that same strange feeling that haunts me for quite sometime now.

It's like I just killed a person without realizing that I killed them.

*Okay. I wouldn't wanna use people's name because it hurts them more than it hurts me.

[Last Week]

That feeling I felt.. Was my best friend, which is also my best friend's best friend too, ignoring me for the past week..

Well.. I sensed something weird but yeah.. I thought there's a brick wall trying to separate us..

So I asked her about it.. I told her what happened and.. *glass breaks* it happened..

Coming back to today..

My another best friend told me that I did something very wrong and after I think about it.. I started to cry a little.. Trying to hold back my tears..

It's because.. I made a very big lie.. Yes.. I admit it.. I made that to save my own soul but eventually, I was very wrong about that..

I like a girl.. Yes.. It's a guy's feelings towards another.

But I don't like to share with people that I can't trust yet.

So I kinda shared wrong stories about my best friend during class a few months ago.

But now, I felt very bad and very sad because I can't fix the problem.

Now, the person that I wanted to take to the prom with, doesn't want to talk to me anymore like we used to.. She will eventually get closer with my classmate sitting beside me.. Slowly making me a history that made her very happy from the start of the year.

I don't know what are the reasons that made her feel that way but.. I can feel that we were not like we used to be..

Well.. I'm not trying to be desperate.. I just wanna make happy memories with her so that I can feel good about it before I step into NS camp or College Life.

In class, I kinda cried for the whole 2 hours.. Managed to hold back some of it so that teachers don't think that I'm in a mood swing.

What I thought about it during that 2 hours were,

"What can I do to fix it?"

"I wanna apologize but I scared her group of gang be mad at me."

"The girl that I wanted to take to the prom with doesn't care about me anymore.. I wanted to call her on the phone but I just scared that I'll make her even more unhappy."

"How am I suppose to ask her to the prom as my best friend when I made a very crappy statement?"

"Oh man.. When I looked that her talking so closely with my classmate sitting beside me, I can straight cry for help."

And lots of thoughts about it.. for 2 hours straight.

Well.. I kinda released everything in my head now..

Now my missions are :

1. Finding out why the person that I wanted to take to the prom with being so quiet lately.

2. Apologize to her for what I've done.. and really thought of doing it without anyone around including the one sitting beside me.

3. Apologize to the class gang for being a selfish "jackass"

4. Make sure I can focus and let it all go before Trials starts.

5. Ask her to be my prom date on Friday during MPK. (I really have no choice. It was set during World Stage.)

That's all I can say.. I apologize to those who are reading this right now and I sincerely apologize to my best friend and my another best friend for making situations like this. And I really wanna apologize to the girl because I didn't talk to you a lot more. I wish I can really change my life around and just pick up that phone and dial her number, hoping she would answer my call and just talk. I just hope everything goes back to normal and life can be much easier after all these..

And thanks guys for helping me.. I know that it's wrong.. Thanks again for the advice..

I really do.